I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
When in doubt, mumble.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
When in doubt, mumble.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
Answer
Nice!!
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Answer2
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
Answer3
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other off.
Answer4
Lets say you're driving down the road in your brand new canoe, and the front left tire falls off. How many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house?
Answer5
You can observe alot just by watching !
Answer6
Experience is something someone calls their past mistakes
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this ?
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this ?
Answer7
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Answer8
It takes a big man to cry, it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.
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